Like Clifton Kelley in The Ruin, a woman named Renee flashed back to her experience in grade school as an adult. In Renee's case she broke down when she saw a photo of her 7th grade tormentor on Face Book. Renee was a guest on the July 21 edition of the Dr. Phil syndicated television program. The quite attractive woman told Dr. Phil that when she saw the now adult woman on Face Book she suddenly broke down. She had never told her husband about being bullied in grade school. When he asked her why she had reacted the way she did, she told him it was nothing but then she began to sub uncontrollably.
In 7th grade her bully had told Renee she was, "Too ugly to live." and called her, "butter teeth" because of a yellow tint that her teeth had, a genetic condition.
Even though Renee had not told others about the bullying in grade school, she admitted to Dr. Phil that it had affected her life and was controlling how she treated her two daughters. She home schools her daughters so that they are protected from bullying at school. They suffer from the same genetic condition causing a yellow tint to their teeth so she uses whitener on them, even though it is their baby teeth.
Renee also did modeling after she graduated from school to prove to herself that she was not "too ugly to live" but still can't look in the mirror and believe that she is attractive. Dr. Phil asked the audience what they thought. The obviously beautiful woman drew unanimous approval from both audience and her husband. "Why can't I let it go?" she asked Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil explained that bullying sets up a "toxic dialog" within the victim. He said in effect that if Renee had been told that she was "too ugly to live" once it would set up an "internal dialog" that told herself "50,000 times" that she was "too ugly to live".
On the show this Wednesday he did not bring up the case of the high school girl Phoebe Prince (see my blog of April 16). Is this what happened to her? The girls of South Hadley told her that for three months. Multiply that by 5o,000 time of "internal dialog."
Dr. Phil also talked about the "Toxic legacy that spreads". The after affects such as the sheltering that Renee was exhibiting by home schooling and the teeth whitening.
Dr. Phil put a graphic on the screen that he went over with Renee and the audience that I have seen variations on about the effects of bullying, whether it be in the workplace, at school, or at home: The Victim:
1. Experience doubts about self-worth/unclear identity.
2. Internalize the toxic message. Take over for the bully.
3. Unwillingness to test the message against reality. Unwillingness to generate alternative reality based internal dialog.
Dr. Phil ended the segment with the admonition that it takes "one thousand 'atta' boys to erase one 'you idiot'.
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